I love her, but I’m still mourning the loss of my son.

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kangdarus.com – I love her, but I’m still mourning the loss of my son.

-When Stacey Chillemi’s son came out as transgender, he had to deal with the death of his son.

The treatment helped her realize that her child is still the same person inside – just happy. This is Chillemi’s story, told to Luana Ribeira.

This article is based on an interview with Stacey Chillemi. Edited for length and clarity.

As a mother, I imagined a perfect little life for my three children in my head. I thought they would grow up, meet the right person of the opposite sex, get married and have children. I will be a grandmother and we will all live happily ever after.

But when one of my children came out as transgender, I realized I had to let go of that idea. Through therapy, I learned to accept my new daughter, while still grieving the loss of my son. My son was different from my other children since he was a child
While my oldest was dressing up as a Marvel character and pretending to fly, my youngest son came into my daughter’s room to play with her dolls and dress up in her princess dress.

He came out as gay at 16 and I told him that I would always love to support him. At the same time, it’s hard for me to accept that life won’t be the pretty little picture I’ve painted in my head.

A few years later, at 18, he told me he was transgender and wanted to be a girl. It didn’t bother me; I think I already know in my heart. The fact that I lost my son hurt me, but I knew that I had to be with my son no matter what. First, I had to mourn the loss of my son
I joined a virtual support group where I met other parents of transgender children, but the group forced me to face things I was emotionally unprepared for.

That’s when I decided to find a therapist to help me deal with my emotions. The therapist and I clicked right away. I quickly realized that I was grieving because, technically, I had lost a son. I admit that I was really sad when my new daughter graduated from high school. Until then, I always call her by her birth name, she doesn’t get angry. But he said that when he graduates, he wants to be called by the name of his choice – not his dead name.

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After graduating, I knew that I would soon leave my son to fulfill the wishes of my new daughter. For me, graduation day was when I lost my son. The name I gave him is gone; My son is gone – the son I bore and raised for so many years. It’s hard to accept.

My therapist helped me release all the emotions I had accumulated. I was finally able to talk to someone outside of my friends and family who could give me an unbiased opinion without judgment.

I realized that when I lost a son, I gained a daughter
My therapist helped me understand that my child is one person; Nothing has changed in him. He is still the kind, loving, and generous person he has always been. Only his appearance has changed. This awareness helped me to be more patient. I am happy that my daughter is happy and can be who she always wanted to be – a woman.

I also realized that I am proud of my daughter for having the courage to live a real life. I really enjoy it, and it’s something to celebrate. My relationship with my daughter has been stronger since she changed. We share a lot about ourselves and I support him in everything he does. We also swap clothes, which is a fun way to bond.

Although I have accepted my daughter well and I love her, I am still lost.
Although I have accepted my son’s change, grief is still something I live with. Some days are easier than others.

When I have days off, I try to be kind to myself and remember that parenting a transgender child is a journey. It is not easy and it takes time to adapt to the changes that come with it. I had to let go of my prejudices and preconceived notions about what my child’s life should be like. I have to learn to accept my child as he is.

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In those days, I remember that our bond was stronger than ever, and he is happy now. And that’s all that matters.

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